In an effort to counter the flood of celebrities endorsing Democratic candidate John Kerry, the GOP (Greediest Of Parties) has made certain that hordes of their celebrity politicians are in attendance at next week's GOP bacchanal.

The party has conscripted Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger to whip the faithful into a frenzy in preparation for their battle with the Democrats this November.

The "GOP Convention" kicks off on August 30 and Arnold will speak whenever he damn well pleases. Who's going to stop him?

Here he's seen trying to convince a young McCauley Culkin to steer clear of fellow Californian Michael Jackson.



Arnold, the Austrian-born son of Nazis, Gustav and Aurelia Schwarzenegger, should do wonders at conveying the GOP's recently adopted attempt to portray the party as being kinder, gentler, and more compassionate.

For example, in an effort to convince the populace that the party is aware of the importance of the environment, the GOP plans to have the government pick up the greens fees for any Corporate CEO who is paid less than $100 million per year, if Bush is reelected.

Other stimulating speakers include the always scintillating, anal-retentive, funmeister, Rick Santorum, who positively hates anyone who is not exactly like himself.

Rumor has it that he will be ushered in to the strains of "We Are The World" and then deliver a speech entitled, "Patriots Don't Question The President."



Here he is again with one of his mentors, civil rights activist Trent Lott.



Vice President Dick Cheney, whom many believe calls the shots in the White House, will attend via satellite TV from an undisclosed secure location controlled by The Halliburton Corporation.



Here's a related "New York Daily News" story about some enterprising pimps, excuse me, Capitalists, who plan to fill a special niche for the GOP delegates

I guess no one bothered to tell these guys that this isn't the Republican's bag. They enjoy screwing all of a country's citizenry simultaneously, not one at a time.

A few Country and Western stars are expected to appear and will sing about horses, cowboy boots and hats, beer, cheating spouses, pickup trucks, and God.

Rumor has it that Elton John and Danny Glover declined invitations. Their respective publicists stated that their clients weren't in the mood to provide entertainment in the form of being burned at the stake.

Margaret Cho, Eve Ensler, Alec Baldwin, Kathleen Turner, Joanne Woodward, Lou Reed, Moby, Joan Osborne, John Sayles and Robert Altman will also be present, sort of. They and other stars will be protesting the GOP's agenda from remote locations.

Read about them "here."